This is one of those posts that I will probably look back at one day and be embarrassed I shared. However, after hearing stories similar to mine in my grief class last week, I think it's something that a lot of people in my situation deal with and I love to help people know they're not alone.
I remember my first panic attack so clearly. I was at work and it was the strangest feeling. For anyone who deals with anxiety or has had a panic attack, you know the feeling. Your entire body tingles and you feel like the walls are closing in. It's pretty dang scary, I'll say that much.
I assumed that first panic attack was a one time thing. I figured I was overly stressed with wedding planning and I let it go. But only a week or so later, it happened again. Now I have always been a semi nervous person; some may say a hypochondriac. But there is a difference between thinking you have some rare disease not even in the U.S. yet and feeling anxious all the time, afraid of having a panic attack at an embarrassing moment.
Well, after doing some research and talking to people who have dealt with similar situations, I've come to understand that this is something very common with people who have just lost a loved one and even more common if it's a sudden and traumatic death. When I thought about the timing of things, my anxiety began once I really started feeling the affect of my dad's death. That certainly made me feel less crazy, but it's no less embarrassing.
I know this is a temporary thing and something I will get through in time. I'm certainly not someone to rely on medicine, as I am a mentally strong person and I know I'm stronger than this. I will even say my anxiety has gotten better since April; however, I want it to be gone completely. I don't want to worry about ridiculous things like I do now, especially when I know how ridiculous they really are. So I am hoping that as things get easier grief-wise for me, they will get easier in other ways as well. But for now I just have to work hard and be thankful for the better days. :) Thankfully I've got incredible family and friends to help along the way.
Ps- this is about how I felt after yesterday's game against Texas. :/ sic 'em...