Thursday, August 29, 2013

Why I Hate The Mileys Of The World As A Wife

Last Sunday night, I was faced with one of the biggest dilemmas of my life. “Breaking Bad,” “Dexter,” “Keeping Up With The Kardashians” and the VMAs all started at 8 pm and our DVR can only record two shows at once. Talk about your first world pains, right?

So I did what I thought was the smartest choice — I watched Breaking Bad live (no brainer) and recorded it for backup purposes, recorded Dexter and vowed to watch the other two shows one of the million times they would air again this week.

Mark and I plowed through Breaking Bad and Dexter back to back and decided to go to bed, only to realize the first reairing of the VMAs was about to be on. Amid all of the NSYNC rumors that had been swirling around, there was no way I couldn’t not watch, at least to see them perform — I owed this to 14-year-old Megan at least.

Those of you who watched the VMAs know, to get to NSYNC, you had to cross Miley first. Woof. Mark and I sat there watching as Miley Cyrus (Hannah Montana to most of us) did things on that stage that I never wanted to see in an outfit that left absolutely nothing to the imagination.

Each minute was more uncomfortable than the last, especially when you’re watching this with your husband. It was the same discomfort I felt two weeks ago when Mark and I saw “We Are The Millers” in theatres.

There are few times in my life that I can remember feeling as uncomfortable as I did watching Jennifer Aniston do all sorts of inappropriate things wearing practically nothing on the biggest screen the theatre has. I felt so awkward, in fact, that I almost got up to go to the bathroom or to grab a snack (hello, Reese’s Pieces), but if you’re the only one walking out mid-strip tease, isn’t that even more awkward?

I’m sure I’m more uncomfortable in these types of situations than most women, but why shouldn’t this make me uncomfortable? There is a half-dressed woman doing completely sexual things in front of my husband — while I’m sitting next to him. There’s no way this doesn’t bother anyone else.

It’s sad when I’m afraid to go see a movie with my husband or to turn on some dumb music award show without feeling insecure, inferior and uncomfortable. Luckily, I married a good one, who always tells me how uncomfortable he is in these situations too. (And I choose to believe it for my own peace of mind.) It just makes me sad that this is a situation that seems to be occurring more and more often lately. Put your clothes on, ladies! (And put your tongue back in your stupid mouth, Miley.)

Let's be honest, the Smith family said it best with their reaction.

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