Two months ago, Mark and I celebrated one year of marriage. You know...that first 365 days where you live in your honeymoon bliss and just smile at each other constantly. Or so they say. But let me be transparent here. Even in the best days, marriage is not a honeymoon...not even in the first year.
Maybe I should rewind momentarily. I love my husband more than anything. He's the best friend I've ever had and I can't imagine spending my life with anyone else. And I mean that from the bottom of my heart. Every day I feel so blessed to call him my husband. But just like with best friends, we fight. He does things that make me mad and I daily do and say things that I'm sure make him question my sanity.
But today, Mark and I sat in on a sermon on love and marriage, and what I heard really struck a chord. I've heard 1 Corinthians 13 more times than I can remember. In fact, I had the verse engraved in Mark's ring. But it wasn't until today that I realized how little I actually honor that verse in my own marriage.
Love is patient, love is kind, the verse starts out. Whelp. I'm 0 for 2 there. I can't remember the last time I was patient with Mark, and I'm sure he wouldn't consider my all-too-often snide comments as kind. The pastor went through the rest of the chapter, as I sunk deeper and deeper in my seat. I am often jealous, quick to anger, selfish and I'm pretty sure I have a mental checklist of everything Mark has ever done wrong.
So often we read blog posts or articles about how we can better our marriage. But as I listened to the rest of the sermon today, the one thing I was most concerned with was bettering myself. You see, my marriage has no problems. I have the problems. If I were to think twice before I snap at Mark the next time he makes me upset or stopped to consider him before myself more often, there would be no problem.
Mark and I are both still growing up and learning how to be married. But marriage isn't about righting your spouse, nor is it your responsibility to "fix" what they may do wrong. After all, don't we have enough on our plates to worry about just with ourselves? I know I certainly do. Love is about actions. Marriage is about making life easier for your spouse. Am I making life easier for Mark? Right now, honestly, probably not. But by working to better myself and really living 1 Corinthians 13 on a daily basis, I can get a whole lot closer to doing so.