Thursday, November 1, 2012

Resistance To Change

Today was my final weekly grief class. The past two weeks Mark has gone with me, which I've really enjoyed. Next week they offer a candlelight service and provide everyone with Dickey's BBQ, so I'm bringing Mark and my mom. It's a little bittersweet, but I think I learned a lot from the class and I'm definitely glad I stuck it out for nine weeks.

On Tuesday, I met up with a girl from my grief class for coffee after work. She had recently lost her dad the same way I lost mine, so we thought it'd be encouraging to meet up at some point. We ended up sitting at Starbucks for two hours, sharing stories and experiences about our past and present situations. One thing that struck me about our conversation was that we both felt resistant to change now.

I've found that ever since my dad died, I have a lot of trouble letting go of things he knew. For instance, my 13-year-old Toyota 4Runner is falling apart. A few weeks ago, it just turned off while I was driving up our parking garage, no joke. So Mark has been on the prowl for a great deal so we can get me something a little more safe at least. While I love the idea of having a shiny new SUV, I am so resistant to getting rid of my old one. My dad did tons of research and helped me pick out my 4Runner. It was something he knew all about and the thought of getting rid of it makes me feel like I am detaching myself even further from my dad.

I know this is silly, but it's just how I feel. I had the same feeling when I was transitioning into my new job and out of the one my dad knew all about. I'm sure as more and more things change in my life, I will encounter this feeling less.

I couldn't really find a picture of my car, so I just posted one with me inside my car...

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