The Space Between

The past few months I have struggled to figure myself out. I know, I just got married and I should know exactly who I am right now. However, unfortunately, that’s just not the case. For a year after my dad passed away, I somehow managed to hold any and all emotion inside. I was warned by many different people that eventually these emotions would spew out like a shaken up Coke can. They were right.

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Without divulging too much, I just don’t feel like myself. I am sad, heavy hearted and emotional. I know this is a season of my life that I will just have to push through, but it’s not a fun season, I’ll say that much. Feeling this way will inevitably make any person question a lot about who they really are.

This has made me wonder a lot lately about what kind of person we really are. What determines the type of person you are known as? Is it how you act during the happiest times in your life? Is it how you handle the tough times? Do we establish ourselves the most when we are most confident or most caring or most generous?

I am certainly no therapist here, but from what I’ve learned about life so far, we are the most consistent version of ourselves. The way I feel or am right now is certainly not the way I usually feel. We will all go through very trying times in our lives, and we can only react to these times to the best of our abilities. It is undeniable that tough times will bring out the worst in us, but it’s always great to know that happier days are on the way and they will only bring out our best features. 

The way we act or feel or treat other people in between the good and bad times in our lives is what people will remember us as. Cheesy, probably, but this reminds me of some Dave Matthews Band song lyrics, “The space between the tears we cry is the laughter keeps us coming back for more.” As hard as it is to remember how we feel during the happy times in our lives, I think it is so important for getting through the tougher days.