This week Mark and I watched my favorite Christmas movie, The Family Stone. Don't make fun of me. I love that movie, always have, always will. The movie is basically about a crazy family whose mom is sick and ends up dying at the end of the movie. The final scene is the Christmas after she passes away and highlights how different Christmas will be from here on out.
While I'm so thankful for what I will get to experience this Christmas, it's difficult to not imagine what the holiday season could be like this year. This morning I sat in the Christmas eve (eve-eve?) service at our church while they sang Oh Holy Night and my mind raced back to every Christmas eve my family sat in church singing that song and preparing for our Christmas traditions that night and next day.
I've come to realize that the first holiday season without my dad was a survival year, this year we are moving forward and the absence is so much more evident. My mom has done such a wonderful job of making new traditions with our family and I'm so happy about the traditions I am making with my husband and pup, but the things I'm realizing we will no longer do make my heart hurt.
I want to wake up with my new family on Christmas morning but still get to experience my dad's infamous Christmas morning omelettes. It doesn't feel right not buying the obligatory socks, shirts and random book that my dad wanted for his gift every year. I want to walk into the kitchen and see my dad taking the temperature of the turkey because it's not "just so." I would really do anything to spend the day being lazy and playing Pacman or Donkey Kong for five hours straight.
And of course there are so many new and different things I'd love to see this year. I would love to see my dad and my husband watching sports and spending time together. I can guarantee you my dad would be spoiling our new puppy with bones and food scraps.
I am sure this post sounds very "woe is me." I am really not trying to make myself sound pathetic or sad. If anything, this is a reminder to myself that you shouldn't take for granted the things that seem so small at the time because they will likely become the things you will miss the most someday. Besides, I am looking forward to new breakfast foods that my mom will make this year and I know for a fact that my husband makes a mean omelette. :)