Thursday, September 13, 2012

Emotional Rollercoaster

Four months ago I sat in a premarital course at Prestonwood Baptist Church. Tonight, I sat in a grief, loss and transition course at Prestonwood. In the premarital workshop I was attending before our wedding, I was learning how to prepare myself for life with my new husband. However, in the grief workshop I sat in tonight, I was learning how to prepare myself for life without my dad.

As I've mentioned before, sharing my feelings does not come easy for me. I will hold things in until I am so affected my only option is to share how I feel. Unfortunately, I've learned the hard way that this method is not always the most effective. I knew that some discomfort now would make life a lot easier in the long run.

Tonight I sat in a group of fifteen other people, all of us struggling with our own personal grief. A couple of the people in attendance had lost their spouse, a few had lost other family members and a couple of people had even lost a close friend. Some of us had at least a year of grief under our belt, others only had a couple of months. Regardless, we were all on our own journey and we were all struggling to understand why we have been put in the situations we are in.

As I sat there and listened while a few of the people in the workshop shared their stories, I started to realize what I was hoping to find out when I signed up for this course. I'm not the only person going through this. I know this seems like an obvious statement, and I know there are a lot of people in the world struggling with loss, but to hear the specific stories of each person reminded me that I am not crazy for struggling with the specific things I deal with on a daily basis. I am not the only person who wakes up every morning having absolutely no idea what type of day I will have. I'm not the only person who has one unbelievably sad day, followed by a great day, followed by a day filled with anxiety, etc.

As I talked with the workshop leader after the class, I came to realize something I'd never stopped to think about before. These past 18 months have been an emotional roller coaster. I have had the happiest day of my life as well as the worst day of my life. The ups and downs that I have experienced are enough to throw anyones equilibrium for a loop. I am so grateful for everything I've been blessed with the past year and a half. However, I am hoping this workshop will help me find peace and contentment again. So next Thursday, on my 26th birthday, I will be in the workshop yet again. So far, so good. :)

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